Bibik, I Shall Miss You.

Sorry for the silence. This post was written way back but didn't manage to follow through because I was mourning, yes mourning over Bibik's absence. She finally left for good back to her hometown in Ponorogo, Surabaya on 15th April 2011, a date which I shall remember forever.

I took leave a day before and the day of departure itself cause I wanted to make do of what's left for us. I managed to take her around to see my house which Hashley and I bought, took her to visit Arwah Papa's & Atok's grave and ran her errands.

Fyi, Bibik has been the person who took care of me since birth, fed, bathe, cleaned, practically raised me up til the person I am right now. Aged 69 years old now, she has been with us for the past 33 years - yes, that long, even before my mom got married, can you believe it? Loyalty is such an understatement. She's my de facto & de jure nenek, confidante & best friend lah. And it is through her that I am able to converse in Jawa if not good, good enough to an Indonesian's ears.

Towards end of last year she voiced out that she wanted to go back for good and of course mom & I tried to pretend or at least, be in denial of it - that it's time that she should be back with her most important people, her real family. If we could object to it, we could have done it but we're human and it is human to want to be with your family kan? But you should also know that we tried our level best to stall every minute of her time :) We kept on postponing the date but failed at last and surrendered to 15th April, just a few weeks after mom came back from umrah.

As much as I dragged for the date to come, it came. 15th April came by in a splitting second. She was to leave. Don't ask me how many times did I cry prior to this date, I know so emotional right but seriously, the impossibility of seeing her again is so high that it scares the shiz out of me. Dah lah I'm pregnant and I certainly want her to see my baby tapi apakan daya? Live and let live, move on and let go. Let her go :( It pains me much to actually say this but this is what my family and I must do. To let her go for her to be with her family, as much as we love to have her around, at every second of our lives.

So what's more depressing is that the entire family went to send her back. Everyone but ME! They went to her house, ate lunch as in home cooked nasi padang okay (jealous) etc. I didn't tag along for obvious reasons - I'm pregnant (not that I can't but it's best not to cause the journey to her kampung was a bumpy one) and Hashley couldn't get off work. There I was crying like a freaking mad woman alone in the house. I literally cried for 3 hours from the moment I was left alone til Hashley came back home. Sumpah macam baby but sedih maximum please.

But having heard how happy she is to be with her family, makes me happy too. I make an effort to talk to her at least once a week to keep in touch. So far, so good. Am hoping that she'll be able to come after raya to see my baby, insya Allah, if not, I will make an effort to visit her some time in the nearest future.

I could go on writing how much her presence means to me, how much I miss her and especially her cooking and that might possibly take you straight to boredom so I'd rather keep that to myself.

Yayi and I gave her an album full of pictures of the whole family, with a thank you card and videos of my wedding as farewell gifts. I believe those things worth more than any money can ever give to her. I'm glad I managed to spend as much time as possible with her before she left. We will miss her all the time and hope to see again soon, insya Allah.

I love you Bibik, thank you for everything. You're irreplaceable .