Learn.

I know whatever that I'm about to scribble might sound corny, cliche and generic but it doesn't matter. It's high time that I write something that I have been wanting to.

It's rather obvious and clear that I barely and rarely write emotional posts. It's not that I can't but I don't want to.

But off late, sorrow has been my (uninvited) company. Through out the day, worse at night.

I'm going through a major overhaul. A self-reconstruction. An emotional turbulence. I have been in this place for a very long time, I myself didn't realize that it was eating me inside. The feeling is unbearable, non-compromising and so confusing that it doesn't leave me with ample time to stop and ponder for a second wth is going on. For one moment, I was incapable of being in control of my own self. I was powerless, helpless and grasp-lost. Just like being placed in a roller coaster ride with no escape. All I wanted to do (or did) was just to scream my lungs out. That's it. Nothing else but that.

Come to think of it again, how long can I scream? How long can I be in that place? I've got to find a way out. I have to, sooner or later.

Let's move out of topic a bit - a bit, but close. Take life/love for example. Allah created us for a reason. Allah brought us to life to find the answers to the questions that reasons the reason. Therefore, everything happens for a reason.

Referring to the messages and texts that I've been receiving from my closest friends lately. Yes dearies, everything happens for a reason and I can't agree more. When an unfortunate event happens, we're supposed to look for the reason of that happening. In other words, the hikmah of that situation. Feel it, learn it, deal with it. It can be very depressing and saddening but one thing that's certain, Allah has His plans. He wants us, me to feel the pain, learn the heartache, cry it out then get up, stand on my own two feet and get going. The keywords are - learn and pray. Likewise, when something good happens, one must know that it surely is coupled with reason. Hence, seek for the reason. Look for it even if it's invisible or subtle.

I am going 23 and I can assure you that I have gone through a lot. Ever since my father passed away 9 years ago, Allah gave me a new definition of 'life'. Life consists of love - being loved and giving love. And in that love, comes everything else. Love for Allah, Islam, parents, family, friends, lover, education and the list goes on. And through love that we learn the sadness, sorrows and heartaches. Allah is fair. The moment he gives you something really good, he takes away something else and vice versa. Thus, that leads to my significant and rather essential point that Allah swt wants us all to remember what we have, be contented and thankful. Dengan rasa bersyukurlah, Insya Allah, I believe, rezeki and good luck come in many ways.

Knowing that some of my friends and I are going through a tough time right now made me want to do this. To tell them that it's okay to feel the way we feel and it's absolutely normal to be sad about it. I know that the pain that I feel is so powerful and strong that it hurts so bad I'm left with nothing else but to just break down and cry. So I let it cry. I pour it out. Then I'll let Relief does its wonders.

Nevertheless, lets go through every heartache, every tear (and laughter) together. We'll be fine. We'll stick by each other. We become support system to one another, even if we don't even comprehend the mechanisms of this. We'll stand up and help ourselves together.

To each and every single person who have helped me going through my hurdle, you know who you are, thank you so much for being there for me, sticking up for me all these while. I love you.

At present, I won't say I'm alright because by saying that, I am living in denial and hypocracy.

Therefore, If I'm asked,

Q: How are you?
A: I'm not too good.
Q: What's wrong?
A: Learning to be right.