I Wonder How I Got Here, I Wonder Over and Over Again.

Guess what? I am in an even demoralized state. Reason being is that actually, I quit pupillage after a day and a half of work. Yeap, that's it friendly readers of mine, I am not working. Hence the demoralization and sadness. Okay let me lay down my reasons why.

In August, I applied for a place to do my chambering in a law firm which is situated right smack in Masjid Jamek in the heart of the city. Getting there would either be by lrt or the car, of which, car is not a wise move due to the fact that the place has no commodius parking spaces to park my car and even if they were, it would cost me a bomb daily. So strike out the car and leaving only lrt as my (supposedly) convenient mode of transport. Thumbs down numero uno.

Having to opt for the lrt would mean that I would have to ask my unfit mother every morning to send me to the lrt station which is in Bangsar as taking the train at other stops in PJ is like going back and forth. So yeah, Bangsar it is. Poor my mother I thought. Sian la kan every morning she has to send me to the lrt station. Hmm. Thumbs down number two.

The other reasons are regarding the firm, of which I don't think it's a good idea jotting the reasons why here. It's nothing really significant though, I guess it balls down pretty much to a person's tolerance and needs to things. Don't get me wrong, it has nothing to do with the people in the firm. In fact, I get along so well with them senior and new chambees. I actually felt and still feeling the lost of the new friendship which was about to begin.

The thing is, why am I so demoralized is because I had no plan b. It has always been plan a, which is to chamber in this firm. I neither wrote my name for the interview with the Attorney General's Chambers (AGC) nor sent out resumes to other law firms simply because I have been wanting to chamber in that firm. Even worse, never have I expected or crossed my mind to join the service. So yeahh, my career plan took its unexpected turn at the very beginning of my embarkation. Obviously, I was stunned.

And so after I quit, it's so happens that the AG himself was unhappy that there weren't many of us (my batch) that went for the interview. He wanted more people to join the service. So my friends enlightened me with the benefits of joining the service and what not and that literally, had caused me more confusion. Private practice and joining the service seemed equally appealing and being the indecisive freak I am, I hated being at that juncture. It's either left or right now.

Still indecisive and even more confused I was for days! Bahh.

I waited for my stepfather to come back from outstation this morning for me to sit down with them (mama and him) to reach to my ultimatum. After considering both the pros and cons of the joining the service or private practice, guess what, my misery is all over. I will go for the interview with the AGC. That's it. Enough being confused already.

You don't know what it took me to get here. To be able to decide had cost me millions of words from friends and family around. Thanks to the one who sat with me for hours lending his helping ears as well as giving me all the advices I needed to know. It meant so much to me.

I hope I'm doing the right thing. Godspeed and Insya Allah.

** On my humanity mode. The war on terror in Gaza is excruciatingly painful to see, what more the shoulders that bear them. One third of the number of victims are children. That is beyond acceptable, please.

Let us all pray for the war to end at this instant. May Allah be with them always. Amin.